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The Care and Keeping of Snakes

The Care and Keeping of Snakes

My favorite physical feature is 100% fake.

I used to be semi-self conscious about my hands. Specifically my fingers. They’re just…..snakey. They’re just really long, wiggly and….hiss (Jk. But they would if they could).

Flash forward to Sadie and I watching a binge watching a reality show that featured a woman who had LONG fab acrylics. Sadie suggested I give them a try. And once I did I WAS BORN ANEW.

  Real photo of me getting my acrylics on for the first time.

Real photo of me getting my acrylics on for the first time.

Acrylics make me feel like me. Instead of concealing my snakiness, they enhanced it. I’ve had acrylics for about 3 years now, and never plan on going back. But they are a LIFESTYLE. If you’re interested here’s some tips.

  Full disclosure I took this same picture approximately 87 times to get the right angle to show these bad boys off.

Full disclosure I took this same picture approximately 87 times to get the right angle to show these bad boys off.

-When you get a new set (i.e. your brand new nails) your fingers will hurt a little! I’m pretty sure it’s your nail bed getting used to this brand new foreign thing on top of them. Or the universe making you pay tribute for all the compliments you’ll get.

 -Things that will be hard to do and you will have to relearn: swiping your card in an ATM, taking out contact lenses, (slowly!), picking up change (pro trip: press the coin into your finger pads and slowly lift, it’ll stick like 60% of the time.), typing at a reasonable volume (still have not mastered this), gentle high 5’s.

-Sometimes nails break! The best decision I EVER MADE is to buy these rings. I carry one around in my pocket just in case. Unfortunately they’re sold out, but these are similar!

-The WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD is when you haven’t had a fill in a while and you put your hands in your hair and a few strands get caught in between the acrylic line and your new nail growth. Oh my god I hate it. Avoid at all costs.

-A quick list of things I use to open a beer/La Croix can instead of my nails: bobby pin, pliers, straw, pencil, tweezers, Tinder date, debit card. Don’t use your nails! It will break them!

-Gel Polish+Acrylic=the strongest nails ever AND no chipping. It’s a little bit extra for gel polish, BUT SO WORTH IT.

-Be a decent person and TIP WELL. Acrylics take a LONG TIME to apply/refill, time that a manicurist could do several regular manicures (ie: making more $)

-You pay a lot for those fuckers, treat them well!  How about some some Nic Cage nail decals?  Fancy apricot cuticle oil? Or gloves that let you show off no matter the weather.

 GIF from  GIPHY

GIF from GIPHY

Stay sharp (and shiny) girls!

Pussy Grabs Back

Pussy Grabs Back

Eurotrip 2016 Part 4

Eurotrip 2016 Part 4